Friends Report On April 27

The quiz which BIRCHES ran recently featured pictures of some of the best known people in the world, but only one of you readers bothered to answer. What the hell has become of the quality of adult knowledge these days? (The answers will run soon on BIRCHES.)
We are so proud. Another contest has been run to find the worst pothole in the state. The one in my neighborhood won first place. After that, the county came by and filled it full of stones. How's that for a fix? With more of our industry closing down, maybe we will be back to traveling on dirt roads in Michigan. By the way, how many plants is G.M. closing in Brazil and China?
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Some notes on friends
DOUG - has had an operation, and he looks absolutely none the worse for that. Good luck!

MARSHA has been traveling around, so she claims, to meetings with this little birdie, because it's a fighting Gamecock, and that's the mascot of the Univ. of S. Carolina for which she toils.

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SPARTY - he recalled that a century and more ago, a Chicago newspaper humorist named FINLEY PETER DUNNE wrote stories in which he used an Irish brogue. One of the things he talked about was the water torture of Filipinos, who had fallen under American control in the Spanish-American War. Here's an example:

" 'It is not always necessary to kill a Filipino American right away. Me desire is to edjacate thim slowly in th' ways an' customs of th' country. We are givin' hundreds of these pore benighted haythen th' well-known, ol'fashioned American water cure. Iv coorse, ye know how 'tis done. A Filipino, we'll say, niver heard iv th' history of this country. He is met be wan of our sturdy boys who asts him to cheer f'r Abraham Lincoln, He rayfuses. He is thin placed upon th' grass an' given a drink, a baynit bein' fixed in his mouth so he cannot rejict th' hospitality. Under the' inflooence of th' hose that cheers but does not inebriate, he soon warrums or perhaps I might say swells up to a realization of th' granjoor of his adoptive country. One gallon makes him give three groans f'r th' constitchtoochion. At four gallons, he will ask to be wrapped in th' flag. At th' dew point he sings Yankee Doodle. Occasionally we run acrost a stubborn an rebellyous man who wud strain at me idee of human rights and swallow th' Pacific Ocean, but I mus' say mos' of these little fellows is less hollow in their pretintions.' "

MARGARET - congratulations for the Violin episode! Good luck to the angel!


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I don't get no respect!

GENDER - wrote to complain about the weather, somehow imagining that I had something to do with it!

BRENDA - sent an email telling me I'm "silly"

ALICE - writes to remind me that Will Rogers once said: "Never miss a good chance to shut up."

BRENDA and STEVEN - held an "earthday party" during which many new trees were planted and maybe - yeah, right MAYBE - a lot of beer got drunk. I was NOT invited. But, the storms which swept through Michigan virtually missed the gathering, or maybe they didn't notice.


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A few snapshots. If you have some to contribute, send them on!

SANDY and LEIGH

MARSHA'S new cats
Babboo and Buddy -


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SCOT -


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Some TEACHERS-
lucky students
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GIGI -
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What makes some people laugh lately

from JOE;

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered," she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it,
he jumped over the fence and into our yard!"
"That must've been scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was," said the little girl.
"My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff,Fffff'... and before he could say "Fuck," the Rottweiler ate him!"

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From JERRY - a Somalian pirates hat.