no comment

For all my aging readers,
enjoy this, thanks to JERRY!

Thursday Morning Smile-Maker

Friends - Book Reports

About books
that some people
have been reading
lately.
I'll ask more
people again soon. You are welcome to comment on the books other people write about.
Thanks!
====

MARSHA:
I have just finished reading Nelson DeMille's latest, "The Gatehouse."
It is really like nothing else of his--I'm a great fan--but entertaining
nevertheless. He writes this one totally tongue in cheek, despite a
rather scary scenario. When he describes his relationship to his
in-laws (mutual dislike) the story goes something like this: he and the
wife are getting remarried after ten years apart and he plans to ask the
in-laws to pay for the wedding. At the suggestion, Mother-in-Law will
choke on the olive in her martini and die. Father-in-law will drop dead
immediately of a heart attack. Total win-win.
====

JIM THILL:
I just finished One Hundred Years Of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez.

This is a confusing book because many of the characters share the same name or a similar name. Adding to the confusion is the constant shuffling back and forth between past, present, and future, such that it was hard to put the events in the novel into a clear-cut chronology. This confusion emphasizes that events tend to repeat, that people tend to follow repeating patterns of behavior, and that memories of the past are sometimes hard to separate from events of the present and hopes for the future.

The storyline follows the Buendía family from the time that they settle a new frontier town called Macondo to the destruction of both the family and the town approximately 100 years later. During this 100 years, the family comes to know both war and peace, poverty and prosperity. I have read that the book symbolically follows Latin American and Colombian history. Certainly there are themes in the book, including civil wars between liberals and conservatives, oppressive dictators, labor revolts, etc, that seem to be in line with my limited knowledge of the history of that part of the world. I suppose the case could be made that the story also parallels the history of human civilization, biblical creation mythology, etc.
====

PAT W:
I read "Daddy's Girl" by Lisa Scottoline. I enjoy whodunits and so I've read a number of her books, but this was not my favorite. I liked earlier books better.
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MARGARET:
I just finished reading the Harry Potter series. A very fun read. I
recommend anyone that might have been deterred by all the hype (as I
was) to set aside their misgivings and try them. I was pleasantly
surprised how much I enjoyed these books.
====

SANDY:
I've read the David Baldacci "Camel Club" series that is pretty good...ex-black ops guy turned hermit and his pals...4 books so far. And I've been reading John Sandford's Lucas Davenport series. There are about 14 of those that follow this Minnesota cop and his adventures -they're a pretty good read as well. For Christmas one of my daughters got me a book called "Sanibel Scribbles" that is a semi-biographical novel about a woman and how she deals with death, which I will probably reread because it has some thought provoking ideas in it.
====

BUD:
I read a very short novel based on real events, called BEASTS OF NO NATION, by a 20 year old Nigerian writer who has studied at Harvard. It concerns the tribulations of a young kid forced to fight in a Civil War in an unidentified African country. It reflects so much of what we hear about child soldiers and the awfulness of life for fighters who have little to live for and nothing worthwhile to die for. Written in pidgin English, which can be a bit frustrating at times, but I imagine is very realistic, and you can catch on very quickly.
====

Easy quiz ...

I asked several people to tell me what they could find wrong with this political cartoon:
(If you were not asked and wish to test yourself, study the cartoon before you read the lines under it.)


There were a number of answers offered, which included that the flag seems to be blowing one way and the parachute another way, that the lady's dress should be streaming upwards over her head not downwards, that the parachute is of World War II vintage and certainly not 2009 era, etc.

But two people knew the real boner in this cartoon is that Nancy Pelosi is not a Senator, she's the Speaker of the House of Representatives. Now this is a sad commentary on the level of political commentary these days. All regards to the sharp eyes of SCOT and SPARTY.
Congratulations!

Speaking of clever commentary

I have suggested a number of times in the past that the best way to deal with the Wall Street crowd is to set up guillotines on the pavement and run a whole bunch of those sleazy, greedy, oligarchic people through them.

There are several million Americans waiting to stand by, pull the lanyard, and watch the blade fall.

Well, the acceptance of my idea is beginning to spread. I have never had either any great affection for or objection to Senator Charles Grassley, but now I'm developing a fondness for him. He suggests that the culprits from AIG should publicly apologize, resign and then kill themselves. I made a similar suggestion many weeks ago, and thought it had gone unnoticed.

Then along came Charles Krauthammer who specifically mentioned guillotines. I DO object to this guy, because not only is he physically ogreish he's ideologically weird. (Unlike me).

So, I'm not sure if my ideas are gaining popularity in general, are being seized by the Republicans, or are appealing primarily to people named Charles. However, I accept the support.

The War for Iraq is Won!

In America's attempts to "Westernize" Iraq, at least one idea from our Constitution is catching on: The Right to Bear Arms

Iraqi fan shoots, kills soccer player attempting tying goal in close game south of Baghdad
By Associated Press
8:28 AM EDT, March 16, 2009

BAGHDAD (AP) — Police say an Iraqi soccer player has been shot dead just as he was about to kick what could have been the tying goal in a weekend game south of Baghdad.

Police Maj. Muthanna Khalid says a striker from the Buhairat amateur team was facing only the goalie during a Sunday match in Hillah when a supporter of the rival Sinjar club shot him in the head in the final minute of play.

Sinjar was leading 1-0 when the shooting occurred. Khalid said a spectator was arrested.

More Iraqis are turning out for sports events now that security is improving. Major matches in Baghdad are heavily guarded but security in amateur games in smaller cities is often lax.

Friends Report on March 16

What some folks are smiling at:
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MIKE C:

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?' She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'

The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?' She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'

The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.' She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways.

Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan , how are ye these days?' She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!' The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet' She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!' The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle.

===
JERRY:
this is one of the "bumper snickers he sent, but it's doubtful all of it really fit on a little ol' bumper.
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
and
It's all organized by the Italians.

====
DASHMANN - read an article about the arrests that took place for a fight at a concert held for "non-violence." CLICK

======

Random notes:
GRANDPA
-at The Villages
last month
Some of you will
recognize the
guy. Or the
kid?
=======

IRENE - has wrtitten this additional information about the Australian oil spill:

Well we have not really been affected, though Tony’s parents are heading to the Sunshine Coast this week - but they plan to have all of the beaches there cleaned up today. The problem is Moreton Island - I think most of the oil has washed up there. It's just off the coast of Brisbane and there are no bridges, only ferries, to all of the islands in the bay. So getting people and machinery there is a problem – most of the roads on the island are 4WD only and most of the roads are actually the beaches at low tide. It’s a shame, the bay is very clean and parts of the island were pristine. There are a lot of turtles, pelicans, dolphins, and dugongs (manatees) in the bay. Yesterday they thought most of the oil spilled had washed up on the beaches – in some ways that’s good because they can clean it up before too many animals are affected. But today they say a second wave of oil is coming. Not sure, the local paper here tends to sensationalise everything (it’s a Murdoch paper, need I say more).

The link you sent didn’t mention the 31 containers of ammonium nitrate that fell overboard as well – they are bobbing/sinking somewhere in the bay. Each container weighed 20,000 kg. They are worried other ships might hit one and spill oil as well. They are afraid that all of that fertiliser leaking out will cause algal blooms. The shipping company is in big trouble – they sailed straight into a hurricane for some stupid reason – and lied about how much oil was spilled. Another ship from that company sailed into an Australian port last week and immediately declared unseaworthy.

Here’s a link to some photos. CLICK

====

MARSHA - says everyone should cheer for the U. of M. to defeat Clemson at the basketball tournaments, but SPARTY refuses to cheer for University of Michigan under any circumstances that do not favor his own team, even though Marsha says he must. Friendship does not wander much past the gummy banks of the Red Cedar 'River'.

SCOT and TRASE -Looking for a baby sitter so that they might go celebrate St. Patrick's Day.

LINDA: former "artiste de dressage" and friend of a world famous ichthyologist. made a splash at her coffee klatch, first with coffee and then with a revelation of under garments.

MIKE C (almost from C-ton): Still in Florida.

SANDY - says the baby is a boy, and has a sonogram to prove it. The kid does not suffer from ED.

MARI - a lady of many adventures. You have to ask about the strange offer she got from a bar patron not too long ago. Yikes!

Click on Cartoon to enlarge it.
Cartoon by Bob Englehart
See more of his work here CLICK

Friends confront oil disaster

Readers of the BIRCHES know that we have a loyal friend in Brisbane, in Australia. The news this morning is carrying reports of a great oil spill off the coast of Brisbane that is fouling hundreds of miles of beach and many river inlets.


We're hoping that Irene will clue us in about the extent of the disaster and how it may be affecting her family and friends.

You will remember that Irene's family are the same friends who were at ground zero of the Costa Rican earthquake in January, and happily came through without a scratch.

Read a recent update on the dsisater here: CLICK

More Alabama news, with photos

Some really funny things I heard on TV about the Alabama sportsman who shot all those people:

1. "The Police quickly set up a temporary headquarters in the WalMart parking lot."

2. "He cleaned out his family."

3. "He seems to have been very disturbed about something."

4. "I'm convinced he went over there to kill more people." (Sheriff Dave Sutton.)

=======
Interpretation: Evidently the cops expected the shooter to come to WalMart to rearm. As you know they have the lowest prices on ammunition there at WalMart, and it's always a good place to pick up a cheap six pack. Meanwhile, McLendon had developed some sort of mental distress, so he probably forgot where he was supposed to go to get caught. He took the opportunity to do a bit of house cleaning.

Meanwhile, such a percipient police officer is certainly deserving of re-election.

========

LATE BREAKING PHOTOS: Mikey and Mommy before the breakup

Reminds one of the famous Foghorn Leghorn line: "Fortunately I keep my feathers numbered for just such an occasion." This is notable since Foghorn's voice was sometimes thought to be an Alabama accent modeled after Senator John Bankhead.

shoe heaver gets slammer

Muntadhar al-Zeidi, the Iraqi entrepreneur who offered his wares to that guy who claimed to be President of the U.S., the best traditions of Iraqi bazaar salesmanship, has received a punishment of three years in prison.

Here's how it was broken down:
1. One year for throwing dangerous objects in a crowded space.
2. One year for being annoying.
3. One year for missing.

He is appealing the year for being annoying, pointing out that simply being anywhere near Iraq is annoying, and being in the presence of the Monkey-in-Chief was doubly annoying. Thus, whatever he added to the general annoyance of the moment was insignificant.

Thursday Smile-Maker

Michael McLendon's mass murders could have been headed off

Michael McLendon could have been stopped.

His mother had not armed herself with an automatic weapon. Let this be a lesson to all of you. If you cannot take the initiative to protect yourself and your home, don't be surprised if you get your head blown off by your children, and don't come complaining to me, head in hands.

Any parent who has not bought at least a handgun and who does not carry it around all the time, like a cell phone, is not worthy of the name 'parent'. In fact, if you can afford it, an AK-47 is a much better guarantor of your rights to self defense.

So when Michael showed up to murder mama, since she was the first victim, she could have shot it out with him as any peace-loving parent would do, and even if she hadn't survived, she might have taken him out with her. This would have saved the lives of many other people. As you can see, there is a great amount of conservation in the spirit of gun ownership!

-------------------------------------------------------

Your Best Protection Against Willful and Dangerous Children

bad language

It has been wonderful listening to the variety of American conversation lately. I am referring to the inarticulate language used by the Sheriff in Alabama who can't say the words "vehicle" or "window" or "deputy" or any of a bunch of other words in form that reflects kindly on the good folks of his part of the world.

And then there was the discussion I seen bein' had 'tween a sports raporder and Kalin Lucas who is evidently a very talented guy. He's the MOST Valuable Player. Although I understood the questions posed, I understood none of the answers. Soon to be an honored graduate of a major American university, he may also become functional in English.

The Birches Pantheon of Wackos

Adding to the Pantheon of Wackos, Birches recognizes these people (who are reputedly women, but how would you know?)

Somehow they failed to capture the spirit of the occasion. According to the Associated Press, they are celebrating International Women's Day in Afghanistan.

Friends - a brief report on March 9

MARSHA - couldn't be happier -- back in the stands at South Carolina baseball games, sunny warm weather. Ahh, bliss! Carolina is ranked 18th by one source.

JERRY - says that even the snowmen can no longer stand this Michigan winter:


GIGI - recommends this video of whistle-blower Daniel Ellsberg talking about Nixon's plan to use nuclear weapons in Vietnam, from which he extrapolates a lesson on Presidential power. CLICK

DASHMANN - recommends this short news account of how a good purpose can be foiled by the lowbrows who follow it. CLICK , ands it's pretty amusing.

PAM and BINA - have returned from a trip to Florida.

FELIX - has bought a new teacup. He's demanding equal time on BIRCHES ... if we can show PAT W's new dishes, we should show his.

SPARTY - is recommending that we all stop reading newspapers and watching CNN news. And never, never, think of watching Fox "Fixed" News!

ALICE - a new week, a new rescue mission. Great Christian!

Add to your day

Go here to add a lump of musical humility to your day. It's actually charming. CLICK

Opinion: One course of action

My Opinion, for whatever it may be worth.

I don't know what should be done about the economic crisis. I wish I had enough economic knowledge to propose a set of solutions, because I know the world is waiting for my judgment in order to drag itself out of this morass.

Although I lack any solutions to our problems, I have watched the economic experts on TV quite a bit. You know the type, wallets with a mouth attached to suck up wealth wherever they can find it. I have a strong notion that now they have sucked up everything they can find in the stock market and the Wall Street financial institutions, they're turning to other forms of endeavor. One of them is prattling on on the public airways.

The one clear thought I have this morning on the whole business affair is that there are wa-y-y too many people who claim they know what's happening and what we need to do to solve this. We need to chop off a lot of heads. If we can't recover our former economic splendor, we can at least have fewer of these "experts" yammering at us. I know that now they've destroyed our system of capitalism, they have earned a good beheading, and the public at large would appreciate the show.

Gold Stars awarded to

Thanks to the people who entered answers to the Dogs Quiz. Those who scored well are:

TRASE
SHARLEEN
MARIA
FELIX
ALICE

**Ideas for a new quiz? Send them on to Bud or to Birchleaf@charter.net

Irish Mike's Tuesday Quiz.

FAMOUS DOGS QUIZ:
Thanks to loyal reader IRISH MIKE, here are 11 pictures of famous dogs
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Here are the answers, and the pictures are printed again below:

1. Santa's Little Helper from The Simpsons
2. Eddie - owned by Martin Crane on Frasier
3. Bullet - from The Roy Rogers
4. Brian Griffin - from The Family Guy
5. Tramp - from My Three Sons
6. Petey - from Our Gang or The Little Rascals
7. Lassie - owned by Timmy on Lassie
8. Buck - from Married With Children
9. Rin Tin Tin - owned by Rusty on Rin Tin Tin
10. Yukon King - Sergent Preston of the Yukon
11. Duke - owned by Jed Clampett The Beverly Hillbillies