Saturday, January 24, 2009

Wacko-of-the-Week, January 24, 2009

There are plenty of nominees for this award.
1. Justice John Roberts - if anyone is supposed to know the Constitution, it's the Chief Justice of the United States. It's just as I expected, though, when the guy was chosen for the job; any good friend of that man in Texas is probably a rhetorical dunce in his own right. The Presidential Oath is written word-for-word in the Constitution. All you had to do was look it up.

2. Timothy Geithner - who is going to be your next Secretary of the Treasury. Turns out he can't properly fill out his own income tax form, he evades paying taxes, and a person like that is dishonest, I do believe.

3. Aretha Franklin

She was nominated for her hat, but I'm not going to tolerate this nomination because I thought the hat looked very cool. And so did Aretha, herself. And by the way, if you're going to have the Queen of Soul sing a patriotic song, you need to loosen up, and sit back and enjoy, and hear America serenaded in soul. So, y'all, kwitcherbitchin.
==

4. Haiyang Zhu of Ningbo, China - who traveled all the way to the U.S. to lose his marbles. He decapitated a fellow Chinese exchange student in the coffee shop at Virginia Tech. When the police arrived, Haiyang was clutching the head in his arms and smiling. As anyone can see, he has not been properly Americanized. If he were, he would-a shot 'er.
======

WINNER:


Our selection of
Wacko of the Week is
 
Ahmed Tibtani, Cincinnati, 
who really screwed up when he went on an alleged crime spree with another dude who was a certain give-away. The charges are: aggravated robbery and two counts of felonious assault for robbing and shooting two people on Wednesday and then robbing a third person on Thursday.

Tibtani made a fundamental mistake in picking friends, a mistake that deserves the appellation, "wacko." You see, his partner in crime had "FUCK YOU" tattooed on his cheeks. He wasn't that hard to find, evidently, ta-da!

We've tried to tell you, children, about this problem. If you're going to be a gansta, you gotta try not to be too obvious. Cherish your Wacko Award in jail, Ahmed. Nineteen-year-olds in prison need all the moral support they can get.

3 comments:

Alice said...

I thought Aretha's hat was quite neat myself. We all have our own tastes. It's made in the U.S. She bought it at a little boutique she likes in Detroit. If we are gonna start critizng "star" singers, I nominate all those guys who have to squeeze their crotch in order to "perform".

Irene said...

People who tattoo fuck you on their face obviously have decided that they will never attempt to get a job.

Bud said...

You're right, it's a bad career move. What else can a guy do after that but go around and shoot people? You gotta make a living, right?