Republican Humor (prt. 24)

Rove: Did you hear the terrible news?

Bush: No. What terrible news?

Rove: A Cadillac went over a cliff carrying five Democrats, and they were all killed.

Bush: Sounds like good news to me. Why'd you say it's terrible?

Rove: A Cadillac will seat at least six.

Down the Alps on a Bike

Bush has told President Sarkozy that he'll vacation in France if he can go mountain biking. CLICK FOR STORY

Here's how he looked after his last biking episode/incident/accident.


Now I don't want any of you dudes out there to try to talk him out of this. I'll be mad.

the fat die young

I find this absolutely astonishing. And we have Sanjay Gupta constantly bitching at us, too. Where is the symmetry?

US Slipping in Life Expectancy Rankings

CLICK FOR STORY

Monday morning friends report.

BRENDA: 30th birthday. Now, one year more beautiful and sweet.
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MARSHA: Spent a long weekend here and is now homeward bound to the south where her city has had 8 days of temperatures over 100 and is expected to have the ninth today. Safe driving!
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ALICE: asks for help with this topic: BLACKWATER

"I'd be interested in thoughts and comments from your
blog viewers, about Blackwater, the private military
training group which is one of the large "private"
contracters in Iraq. It's founder is Eric Prince from
western Michigan who is married to a daughter of Dick
DeVos. From my understanding its headquarters are in
one of the Carolinas ... "

If any of you knows about this matter, let us know.

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DIG S: Tells us about Congressman Bill Sali of Idaho, a bigot in bigot's clothing, who is parading his bigotry for the sake of the voters back home, who are presumably all 'Christians' like (ahem) himself:

""We have not only a Hindu prayer being offered in the Senate, we have a Muslim member of the House of Representatives now, Keith Ellison from Minnesota. Those are changes -- and they are not what was envisioned by the Founding Fathers," asserts Congressman (R) Bill Sali.

Sali says America was built on Christian principles that were derived from scripture. He also says the only way the United States has been allowed to exist in a world that is so hostile to Christian principles is through "the protective hand of God."

"You know, the Lord can cause the rain to fall on the just and the unjust alike," says the Idaho Republican.

According to Congressman Sali, the only way the U.S. can continue to survive is under that protective hand of God. He states when a Hindu prayer is offered, "that's a different god" and that it "creates problems for the longevity of this country."

One wonders how a bonehead like this imagines that God has given him such a deposit of wisdom that he can proclaim religiosity for all the rest of the world. And here, the rest of us thought he was just another tin-pot politician, but it turns out he's even worse than that.
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JIM and his wife: Are expecting their second child. Congratulations!
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Noted .. Collateral Damage

Three Dead, Two Wounded in Gunplay on Dallas Highway
CLICK
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Three Dead and Several Injured in Missouri Church Shooting
CLICK
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Fat Cat Economics

We live in an age where we have "gotten the government off the back of business" and we've cut their taxes, and we've stripped the government of its money to regulate, and we've 'deregulated' the transportation industry almost to nothing.


How do you like the results?

-Poison toys from China.
-Industry given tax credits to leave the country.
-Uninspected meat from many of the most dismal corners of the world.
-Uninspected vegetables, even those grown in the US, killing people with salmonella, botulism and e-coli.
-An airline industry in collapse which can barely launch a plane anywhere on time or get your luggage on the same plane with you.
-Bridges falling down.
-Roadways crumbling.
-50 million people without adequate healthcare coverage.
-Shortage of health care professionals, and some healh care facilities shutting down for lack of funding.
-Millions of new acres being plundered, especially in the West.
-20 million illegal aliens in the country.
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But damn! Isn't the stock market doing well?
And, look! There's a greater number of millionaires.

As Fark would say, "What could possibly go wrong?"

Wacko of the Week -- 08/11/07

Patrick Wurtzel

Some people, as an old boss of mine used to say, live and learn, but others just live. Here is a politician in a small Michigan community who has more money than integrity. He tried once to use his money to buy a place for our Ten Commandments in the county court house. (This is known as "coveting that which is thy neighbor's.") He offered $10,000 out of his pocket to pay for it. He'd make them of granite he said. (Why, God himself only used sandstone so that Moses could smash them! This is known as "making unto thyself a graven image.")

The County turned his proposal down. But here he comes back again with the same proposal all decked out in a different argument. His different argument is that the Ten Commandments are a historic document, not a religious one, so we should put them in the Freedom Shrine. They are, he claims, the basis of all law. (This position is also known as "bearing false witness.")

We haven't heard this gentleman offer to have the Declaration of Independence carved into marble. Or even General McAuliffe's one-word Freedom Shrine entry, "Nuts!" What do you suppose that means?

There are not many more egregious ways to cause social disharmony in a community than to push one's own religious ikons ahead of everyone else's. People who do that are deliberate trouble makers.

Any elected official still stuck on this stale old theme, especially in a progressive community, deserves to be laughed out of office. Let's offer him a new position: Wacko of the Week.

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
(Thanks to Jerry for the forward)

In 2004, this was a headline:

Fundamentalist Druggists Refusing to Give Out The Pill

Now, The Onion has this sarcastic headline:

Christian Science Pharmacist Refuses To Fill Any Prescription CLICK

Yes, it's a joke, but ...

just self defense

Nowadays, this isn't surprising, is it?
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Man Shot in Ohio Over 25 Cents
By Associated Press
11:03 AM EDT,
August 8, 2007

CINCINNATI - A woman shot and killed a panhandler who asked her for 25 cents, police say.

"He asked her for a quarter," Police Chief Tom Streicher said. "That's apparently all there was to it."

Donald Francis, who police believe was homeless, stood outside a gas station late Monday asking people for money. Geraldine Beasley had complained about Francis to someone else, and when he approached her she pulled out a gun and shot him, police said.

...'unnerving wave of dread...'

What happened when Dick Cheney was 'Acting President' for 2 hours one recent weekend while Bush was having his guts scraped in the hospital? A nationwide feeling of DICK DOOM according to Mark Morford of the San Francisco Gate:

excerpt: "Like a virus, like a bad rumor, like a nuclear mushroom cloud spreading in all directions, feelings of Dick Doom quickly reached the rest of the planet. Reports flooded in from as far away as Singapore, Turkey, Latvia and Nanjing of strange animal mutations, mass faintings, violent fights breaking out in churches and small woodland creatures intentionally leaping into electrical fences, as a wave of dark energy swept over the land."

It's a wonderful essay about the infliction of Cheney Revulsion all across the globe. READ IT HERE

We are recommending you read this scurrilous article about Vice President Creepy because we don't like him. We don't like him just like we don't like his boss, that guy in the White House. Besides, it is very funny.

Recommended

See which candidate(s) you agree with, and which ones do not agree with you.

Here is a chart showing what the Presidential candidates of both parties favor and oppose.

CLICK

Easy to use!

The American Chestnut Trees are coming back

3.5 billion American chestnut trees, once the monarchs of the Eastern forests, were wiped out by a blight. Now, Science has recovered their genealogy from the edge of doom.

"...an American chestnut revival may be imminent. Scientists using traditional plant breeding techniques are on the verge of a breakthrough. In fact, Smith smiles and shares a little secret: the "holy grail" of American chestnut trees – a hybrid supertree fully resistant to the blight – is alive and growing down south.

Hidden on a country road that winds through rural Meadowview, Va., is a 93-acre plot of ground that holds the future of the American chestnut: about 120 hybrid saplings. The trees – going on two years old and four feet tall – are considered "fully blight resistant" and are thriving.
Christian Science Monitor CLICK FOR STORY

Thursday Morning Smile-Maker (9)

Saving the old

On a morning walk, we were on a back road near the Seney National Wildlife Refuge in the U.P. of Michigan and passed one of those yards with lots of trash. This appeared to be one of the many failed farming efforts in the U.P., where agriculture must have been as difficult and frustrating an effort as anywhere on earth. I wonder how many lives came to a dismal end on these hardscrabble farms over the years? Most of the acres around this homestead were littered with collections of junk, camping trailers, huge old TV satellite dishes, trucks in various stages of disrepair and gutting, and then this: a fine old vintage automobile, as shiny and beautiful as could be.

Maybe it's not a junky yard after all; maybe it's a museum. Hmm

They're Coming To Take Me Away (File #2)

(What the crazies amongst us are up to.)

Well now, if only it had been Holy Water, then maybe!
:)


Principal Ousted Over NYC School Ritual
By COLLEEN LONG | Associated Press Writer
August 7, 2007

NEW YORK - A public school principal accused of paying a woman to sprinkle chicken blood on the high school in an attempt to cleanse it of negative energy will be fired, the Department of Education said Tuesday.

Maritza Tamayo, principal of the Unity Center for Urban Technologies, paid a woman named Gilda Fonte to lead several Santeria rituals at the Manhattan school during midwinter break in 2006, when students were not there, according to Richard Condon, the special commissioner of investigation for city schools.

A former assistant principal, Melody Crooks-Simpson, said there was a running joke at the school that sage should be used to cleanse the building because many of the students were ill-behaved. But it seems Tamayo took it seriously, Crooks-Simpson told investigators, and had Fonte lead a ceremony at which she sprinkled chicken blood on the building.

Tamayo coerced staff members to participate in and help pay for the ceremonies, investigators said. CLICK

Gold Stars

Felix J., Alice, and Dashmann all independently arrived at the correct answer to the Tuesday Quiz.

Wow! (tongue in cheek) I bet you thought you'd NEVER see this headline

PASTOR CHARGED WITH DEFRAUDING FOLLOWERS

CLICK FOR STORY

Tuesday Evening Quiz 08/07/07

WHERE is this?

Goodbye Lee Hazelwood

... "and then I'd go and spoil it all
by saying something stupid..."